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Ask Ashley Answer: Jerkin off, should you slow down your strokin’?

13 Oct

Question:

My girlfriend doesn’t like it when I masturbate, when she’s not around for us to have sex. She asked me how often I would do that if I was single, or not having sex on a regular basis. I said likely daily. She said this was too much, but when I asked her if us having sex everyday would be considered too much, she said no.  Both are physically pleasurable acts, granted there can be more of an emotional element to sex over masturbation, so why would doing one everyday be more acceptable than the other?

Answer:

As the old saying goes, about 98% of people masturbate and the rest are just lying. Although there remains a grain of truth to this saying, frequency of masturbation may not be as often as we might think. In fact, a recent study assessing 3,116 Americans (conducted at the University of Chicago), found that only 38% of women and 61% of men reported masturbating once in the past year. Now we must acknowledge that many people may be reluctant to admit to their masturbation routines, however these numbers are still nowhere near 98%, as the saying would have us believe.

However, this is not really answering your question…particularly, for those that do masturbate, what is the average frequency? Well, people vary tremendously in how much they play with themselves and no amount is the wrong amount. Everyone has differing sexual needs and tending to those needs can have a number of benefits (e.g., stress relief, improved heart health, and click here for more).

Although there is nothing wrong with playing with one’s self, and the many health benefits may follow, overplay might lead to some complications when it comes to sexual relationships with others. Specifically, for those in romantic relationships, too much jerking can lead to ONE DISSATISFIED PARTNER. So, how can you tell when enough is enough? Well here are some indications that you may need to give it a rest (for a while 😉 )

  • How is your health? Does it appear to be impacted by the amount you masturbate?
  • Are you satisfied with your life — career, relationship, friendships — or are you using masturbation as an escape from things that are bothering you?
  • Is your penis or clitoris sore, chafed, or bruised?
  • Do you have any problem orgasming/climaxing alone or with your partner?
  • Do you still have sex with your partner? Are you having an amount of sex that you’re both content with?

On the other hand, this issue may not be related the amount you masturbate, it may be due to insecurities your girlfriend may have. Issues surrounding masturbation, especially when in a relationship, are not uncommon. It sounds, to me, like you and your girlfriend may have differing notions regarding the “ideal” frequency of masturbation. The best thing to do in situations like these is to communicate with your partner. Find out: why she is bothered by masturbation, her ideas surrounding how much one should jack off, and why different rules may apply to those in a relationship compared to those who are single. Talking things over with a sexual partner will not only shed light on their ideas toward normal sexual behaviour but also help clarify your own.

Remember, it’s not about how often you stroke the baloney pony but it’s about how you’re living the rest of your life. As long as masturbation is only a part of your life and not instead of your life, you’re fine. However, if it is consuming your life or damaging your relationship(s) then maybe you need to consider slowing down on your stroking and dealing with the reasons behind your twinkie tugging.

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Posted by on October 13, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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